One blink of an eye and they were gone.
How could it be a year ago when my heart aches like it happened one single minute ago?
I think back often of how that first two weeks played out and how I know nothing of what happened besides missing them.
Its The day my life somehow stopped....I didnt think about work deadlines, sales that were ending, who I had to call, friends birthdays or what I was going to eat. I didn't think about posting on facebook, bills that needed to be paid, if my plants needed to be watered, wines that needed to be ordered, customers who needed return calls, tires that needed to be rotated......I thought of none of that daily stuff that fills your head like white static. It was like someone clicked me "off".
That has never happened to me before.
My brain turned on only for them - trying to remember every memory possible about them. How my grandpa used to smoke a pipe and the sound you would hear through the house of him pounding it on the ashtray to clean out before he pulled the tobacco package out of his left shirt pocket to fill it and then the zippo lighting and walking into a puff of perfect smelling pipe smoke.....The high voice he would use sometimes, especially when talking to babies.....the way he crossed his legs and rested his folded hands on his knees.....how he would offer everyone a shot of brandy when they stopped over - and having a shot WITH everyone that stopped over......his ridiculous haircuts my gram would give him with the razor, forgetting 20% of it so there was hair sticking out everywhere.....his quest to finally get me married to the highest bidder..... his love of soup, stealing spoons, instant coffee, donuts, cookies, pie, circus peanuts, peppermints, potato pancakes, potatoes, cowboy boots, reading the paper, time magazine, brandy, his coffee cup which he never wanted washed, visitors, walking around his yard, his bushkas and holding my hand at church.
Then there was gram - Her bun on top of her head conveys "her" the best....My fondest memories is with her bent over a flower garden digging in the dirt. She loved flowers and plants - irises, gladiolas, peonies, poppies, lillies and christmas cactuses...She loved growing vegetables and eating them. She would drink pickle juice, boatloads of wine and instant coffee like it was water. She wore the funniest shoes and costume jewerly, believed in God above all else and was the most thoughtful person Ive met, always thinking about everyone but herself. She loved coins, plates, cooking (and she was the best) drinking coffee, ginger cookies, reading, and reading and reading.....I can remember her always rubbing her hands together all fast and throwing her head back to laugh and giggle.
Then I remember them - It was never one or the other - it was THEM TOGETHER. They werent apart. Ever. They loved each other so hard. They were committed and loyal, gracious and completely ridiculous. To their family and each other. The stories when people talk about great love - they were told because of them
So many things in my every day life reminds me of them - every trip I go on I see postcards that I want to send them...it still makes my heart drop...Sundays are hard not being able to take them to church and have my alone time with them. My website has been pushed to the wayside as more then half of it was stories of them and I just cant bear to change it. Ive had people still ask me about them up until just last week "how are your grandparents? Tell me a funny church story" - And people are so taken aback when I tell them they were killed in a car accident. together. But really what a love story.
I know it was for the best - I know they are in a better place and I know its great to know they are up there together- as they would have wanted.
And I will celebrate their lives as I have been. I will travel, live, love and experience. I will write postcards to Jack and love him so much he may burst before hes 2. I will drink coffee and go to church on Sundays and tell their story. I will start this damn website again and I will continue to live on. Honestly I find myself healthier mentally than I ever have in my life. Content, happy, positive. Its pretty amazing. Out of such tragedy brings such a positive outcome. ..Im the lucky one to have had them. I was the lucky one.
SO cheers to them today - November 16th - I will have a cup of instant coffee and then many glasses of wine