what ifs, why nots, what nows, and whys
I felt awful. I was sad, mad at myself, forgetting to be thankful, and not knowing how to turn it around. I felt like I forgot how to smile and I couldn't remember the last time I laughed. We have all been here...I couldn't get out of the mess I had created in my mind.
And then there was her
From the second I got there she made me laugh. She made me smile. She made me not forget, but look at it differently. She made me feel pretty, she made me not feel guilty, ashamed or embarrassed. And when I said she made me laugh, I mean laugh....belly laugh from deep inside...and over and over.
Then I came back a month later - and we spent 6 days together laughing, and laughing and living life. She is the most amazing, positive, addictively beautiful and make me laugh person I have ever had in my life.
She has been my close friend for such a short time and has changed my life as I know it, forever. How had we not found each other until now? How were all our friends the same and our paths never crossed until now? I feel like this happened because it was finally the time when we were supposed to. I only hope I can somehow return the favor someday. I hope she is always there and here. I hope she can even try to understand how she changed my life for the better. How she cast a line out to reach me and reeled me back into a place I havent been in for a very long time. A great place where life is so much better. A place where smiles and happiness overrule everything else. This person who is so like the person I used to be, this person who just came into my life....this person who I will try to be more like..This person who touched everyone elses life and I can only hope to make her smile and try to give her even a half of what she gives my life. Shes amazing- shes happy - her smile is infectious. He laugh and positive attitude and her love for food, wine, love and happiness makes me smile as I write this. I could go on and on about her but the thing I want to say her to the most is Thank you- Thank you for being you Kila. Thank you for being my friend. And thank you for single handedly changing my life around. Thank you for making me see me. Thank you for making me laugh, smile and cry. Thank you for understanding me. Thank you for this smile that I smile as we speak.