Gram, Gramps and I waddle up to the alter
(Gram was already complaining that there was no common cup - she prefers to have everyones backwash and sip off the same big cup - I was thanking God for no common cup. I prefer my own tiny cup and my own germs- which by the way when there IS common cup I am the ONLY person under 80 that goes up there and as I walk back to my pew, everyone stares at me and mentally I can here them thinking "man are you a good grandaughter" or "man I feel sorry for you and all those germs swimming around your belly"
we go through communion and as we start walking back, grandpa, who cant see enough to know when we are singing hymn 308, he is on page 214, happens to see a tiny thread that has come undone from my grams skirt. He notices this in front of church with 12 people behind us. He starts stomping on what he thinks is this thread while walking. My gram is obviously walking too, not knowing he is doing this. He stomps at least 5 times and now has the entire congregation looking at him, which he doesnt notice because he is too busy trying to stomp on this thread to break it off.......the only thing he succeeds in doing is making the thread longer..and getting the attention of the entire church. Once I sit down I am chuckling to myself and he looks at me like - what?
When we get back home for instant coffee and an aldi cookie, he runs into his room to change out of his church clothes, which gram has already told him not to do because they are going to go to a chicken bbq at another church. He comes out 5 minutes later, sits down and says "Oh I am so old"
Gram says "well just think if you would have died then you wouldnt be so old"
I dont know how that sentence makes sense but it seems to make sense to him because he doesnt respond.
He then says "gram your skirt had a thread and I was trying to get it off in church"
Gram who never knew she had an unraveling thread on her skirt says "how did you do that and when"
Gramps "I was stomping on it but it only made it longer"
Gram "were you trying to ruin my skirt"
gramps with hurt feelings that of course, turn to anger "NO I WAS TRYING TO HELP"
Gram - "you just were trying to get me naked mikey"
Great. Just what I want to hear. Remember...... his name is steve and she calls him mikey to royally piss him off.
I know this will make him crazy. Which it does.
Gramps "OH mikey - you start that again woman! Cant I drink my coffee in peace?" as he shakes his hand at her.
she throws a cookie at him like she is throwing a treat to a dog on the floor.
He picks it up with a grimace but eats it. happily.
She snorts at him and says "I am going to pull a thread in your pants and then you can be naked too to see how you like it"
Now remember, she was never naked but shes acting as if she were. He then starts to look down at his pants for an unraveled thread that is not there. He gets up and checks out the back of his pants - which Gram now notices are NOT his church clothes or shoes and says
Gram "Why did you change your clothes?"
Gramps stares down at his pants and shoes, trying to compute her comment.
Gramps says "why didnt you stop me from changing them when we got home"
Gram - I told you twice and if you cant remember too bad" I am not your secretary"
Gramps is now pouting like a 5 year old. For some reason he has this thing with changing clothes. He hates changing. It will take him 3 minutes to change his pants and shoes but he prefers to take 15 minutes whining about it.
Gramps "oh Gram cant i just wear this?
Gram - 'NO'
Gramps - WHY NOT?"
gram - "Heathen"
Great - now he is a heathen because he wont put on church pants.
Hes now beyond upset -
He takes his paper and goes into the other room and didnt change his pants
He said he was staying home and he wished he had a woman that would make him lunch and not have to go out to get it.
I shook my head
I love them. I am thankful for them today and everyday. I am also thankful for the single serving cup during communion
its a two way mirror and you cant blame me