Christmas is almost here.....where did February go?
Christmas cards. decorating your house, insides and tree, buying gifts, stressing out about gifts, planning family gatherings, parties and drinking and eating.    Sounds stressful.
It used to not be stressful - I think I lost my Christmas spirit...
Its been 3 years since I had a Christmas tree or decorated - considering the last time I DID decorate I had 3 trees and I would spend my weekends with Chirstmas music blasting through the house, in my pjs drinking coffee and then sometime around noon switching to wine....and as sunset came around I would still be in my pjs drinking wine, going from room to room, staring at things and then changing them around.  When I unpacked certain ornaments I would stare at them and get this giddy feeling of where I got it and how I could incorporate it in a theme.  At night you would find me with all the lights out except the trees lights and the glow of the fireplace and I would just be staring - looking for the one ornament that was out of place or just a look of satsfaction (could of been the bottle of wine by then  :)   *a funny christmas story of 3 years ago - I got buzzed up and decided at 2 am that I needed one more tree upstairs in my house, I drove to Walmart in Neenah (clearly the only place selling trees at 2am and if you know me probably one of the only times Ive been to a Walmart)  When I got there I told some kid inside he had to help me pick out a tree - the trees are all outside and full of snow and all the pine needles were caked with an inch of ice as we had rain that turned to ice the day before.  It was probably -5 out.    This poor kid probably hated his job right about then.  I made him hold up 10 trees before picking the first one he held up and funny enough, you couldnt tell if it was a good shape or not because they were a frozen block of ice.  I pay for it and then realize I drive a vw jetta - how am i going to get this thing home? The kid looks at me like I am a complete moron and not to be overtaken I act like I know I am driving a car and tell him to help me put it on top of the car and strap it down with straps i had to go and buy in walmart.  He thinks Im crazy but does it with me.  I am wearing pjs, no gloves and boots.  I look crazy and at best, am.  We get it on top, strapped through the windows and I leave there after I give him a hug.  WHAT? I  start making my way home, back windows down about 4 inches to hold the straps.  I am frozen solid like the tree.  I get home, teeth chattering and bring it in the house and realize I do not have another tree stand.  Awesome

Back to Christmas - I would take time to wrap gifts and make christmas candy and cookies with the girls. I would  be thinking of the menu I would make for Christmas dinner and be mentally planning it in my head, when the 1st turkey would have to go in and how to get the perfect crust on the roasted tenderloin.  I would think of all the fun pictures I would get with my life size Santa in the house - YES i said it - A life size Santa.  He was amazing and a favorite of the house! or maybe just my favorite anyway...I would think of the perfect wine I would drink on Christmas morning and the one I would drink after everyone had finally left so many hours later as I sat back happy and satisfied with a perfect christmas day.
As far as I can remember I loved Christmas.  I loved midnight dinner at my grams house on christmas eve (ham and homeade beans) christmas lunch with my other grandparents (Real swedish meatballs and swiss steak with honey carrots and the best mashed potatoes)
I remember getting my first christmas tree all by myself at my apartment and spending 14 hours decorating the tree and calling my friend at 3am to come see it (he was sleeping but I begged him to come over and he did) we drank hot chocolate and I made him sit and look at it - it was snowing out- it was perfect, for me anyway -  looking back he probably wanted to jump off a bridge at that point.
Ive realized just lately- Christmas is what lives in you and what you want out of it.  Did I make too much of it for the wrong reason? Did I make it about stuff and feelings and not about the "true" meaning of Christmas?  I dont think I did.  I still love Christmas-life just changed and I had to change with it.  Im excited and ready for next year. Im pulling out all my dusty totes in the basement and going to have one hell of a Christmas

o night divine

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