I sat down at church this morning.....I walked in right at the bell so.....in my grandparents eyes that is late as we are usually there 25 minutes early making sure no one steals "their" pew.
I took off my coat and then preceded to take off my gloves.  The pastor was already talking and suddenly my grandpa grabs my left hand and loudly says "Oh my your finally getting married."  The word "married" has sparked my grams attention and she turns to me and pats my leg.  I look at him and shake my head NO.  I am wearing a band on my ring finger......as I always do.  His excitement turns to disappointment and I shove a hymnal at him.
Im going to stray from this story for a minute....Believe me it gets good.....but why is it that if a woman wears a ring on "THAT" finger it atomatically means your married, getting married or taken.  What if I like to wear a ring on that finger because thats the only finger it fits on.  My left hand has been broken more than once so it smaller....i liked the ring....it fits on that one....

Alright - I move forward.
We get back to their house for donuts and instant coffee and I go to the bathroom....I return to my grandpa yelling about my grams slip.
"gram why is your slip showing and did you wear that to church"
Gram - "yes I wore it to church have you seen me change?"
Gramps- "Well why are you showing all the men at church your undergarments"
Gram -  "I dont know what your talking about"
Gramps, slamming his fist on the table -" Is that why that guy came up and talked to you- are you advertising for some men"
Now - some man came up and talked to both of them but hes forgotten that it was both of them and thinks it just her and he also thinks that my gram is showing her lingerie because she wants a new man.  Like she is bating them - similar to the way he feeds the deer apples.  They have been married 62 years and he is jealous.  Its super cute.  She ignores him and throws him a "dunker" donut.

Then he asks me if I am getting married yet.  I told him no, that would be difficult without a groom.  He then sits back like he is thinking very hard.  He puts his hand on his chin and looks at me with the most sincere face and Says "Do you know what your missing?"

Do I know what I am missing?   Really......

i say "no grampa why dont you tell me what I am missing?"

He thinks for a second and I honestly cant believe my gram hasnt butted in the conversation but for once she is quiet - waiting to see what he will say.

He says "well kids"  - He said " I have 5 and they come over and visit and thats nice"

I will give him that.  I tell him "someday" and then he said "well honey you better start looking because your getting old"


He asked if maybe I was too picky or maybe if I worked too much.
He asked if when I go on all these trips why I couldnt find a nice man.
He asked if I went on dates and if I was nice
He asked if my friends maybe new someone
He asked If maybe I read to much like Gram
He asked if my car was driving ok
He asked again if I worked too much
He asked if I liked my job
He asked if I wanted one of the gross donuts
he asked If I wanted another cup of instant coffee
He asked if I wanted to go out and feed his cat with him
He asked if I wanted a shot of brandy with him
He asked If my ex still lived in my old house which he actuallly called a "mansion"
He asked if I wanted to read the paper with him
He then asked one more time "are you sure your not getting married?"

My grandma told him to be quiet

As i was leaving he thanked me for the bottle of brandy I bought him, squeezed my hand and asked me If I could find someone to marry me....and then he hugged me and told me he loved me.  and that if I wanted I could come again. 
I told him to worry about  grandmas slip - not me.  he then stopped asking me questions and I left to him tugging at my grams slip and him giving her the third degree about trying to get a new man...

Wild one today

Leave a Reply.