So Another normal Sunday morning - go to church with Gram and Gramps....
Go back to their house for Instant Coffee
Grandpa comes in from taking off his church clothes and eyes up grams hand
He says "what are you eating Gram?"
She ignores him
He tries to walk up and look and she swings her arm under the table so he cant see
Now hes upset
"Gram what do you have under there?"

Now before I go any further I will digress.....All they do most of the day, everyday, is drink instant coffee and eat cookies (usually from Aldi) and toast.  Its crazy and not healthy but who am I to stop them at this point.

Just so you know - she has an english muffin hiding under the table which she now holds up to show him.
Gram - "This is mine!"
Gramps - "why cant I have one"
Gram - "No its mine"

Gramps starts looking all over for one of these muffins-  which he doesnt find.
He goes back to Gram who has been watching him look for something that she knows he will never find.
She laughs at him.  He slams the table with his fist, spilling her coffee.
Gramps - "Gram I want one"

Gram says "fine you old goat I will get you one"
She waddles over to the pot and pan drawer (knowing he will never go in there) and she opens it up and pulls out a half eaten package of english muffins. 

Gramps - "why are you hiding all the good stuff from me?"
Gram - "you dont like these"
He grabs it and shoves it in the toaster. 
"Who says I dont like them - I love them"

We all go sit down at the table.  He butters his barely toasted english muffin and then puts on jam.  He starts eating it.  Halfway through the first one he says
"Gram what is this?"
Gram - "its an english muffin like I told you?"
Gramps - "Why do they call it an english muffin?"
He looks at me and I have no idea - I shrug and shake my head
Gram says "I dont know- cuz thats what they ate"
Gramps says "those damn Limeys"

I stop reading the paper and look up - Limeys?  What does that mean?.

I ask Gramps - Gramps whats a limey?
He continues eating and says "the damn english - all of britian if they were sailors in the war they were called limeys"  And he said it like I should have known that.  DUH AMber. 
I didnt really get my question answered though as to WHy? they were called that but I honestly dont think he knew so I disregarded.  

 Gram "What did they call Americans that were sailors on a ship in the war"  
She waited 2 seconds and then said.........and I kid you not-
 "Fuckers" 
Oh my gosh....she didnt. I shot a look at her and scolded her saying "Gram we just got out of church"
She started laughing and of course......because she started laughin so hard she couldnt catch her breath and started coughin and weezing.

I look at Gramps and he looked at me and said "see what I put up with"

Gramps "No gram they called us Gobes"
Now again -" What is a gobe?" I ask as Gram finally starts to catch her breath and calm down..
She doesnt let him reply because she interrupts him and says - "a gobe of shit - thats what it means" 
Now I tried not to laugh the first time - kind of like when a 2 year old swears and you have to try to keep a straight face otherwise if you laugh - they will continue to swear......Welll I couldnt help it this time.  I started laughing and laughed for what seemed like 5 straight minutes.  Gram was coughing, laughing and weezing too.....Gramps didnt find it funny. 

He finished his english muffin and turns to Gram

"Gram I dont like those english muffins - why do you make me eat it?"

And thats the rest of the story.....as Paul Harvey would say


 


Comments




Leave a Reply